Eight years. 171 posts. 280 comments.
And it all started on June 27, 2005, before I was even in high school. In fact, now this blog has four years of my high school life, and four years of what’s come after. It wouldn’t be fair to say this is my high school blog anymore.
I have to be frank, I believe this blog’s best years are behind it. Certainly, right now it’s in a bit of an awkward phase where I struggle to find the time and energy to type up a post. I think, on the way to work or in the shower, all the things I should type up that night. Because I never stopped having the types of thoughts that drive these posts. It’s just finding the time and discipline has unfortunately become a struggle.
But I carry on, because of how useful this blog has always been to me. I’ve always written for an audience, an audience I didn’t know and could only guess about, but I have always kept some kind of reader in mind for my posts. Really, it’s what drives me to make them — same for any kind of code or website I do. Oddly, this site didn’t get a single comment in its entire first year. From June 27, 2005 until September 17, 2006, it was me talking into a vacuum. What’s odd is it didn’t deter me back then, when today I don’t know if I could justify writing without thinking about the kind of feedback I’d get.
Maybe that’s my problem these days, I rely too much on other people for some kind of validation or interest. And that’s not really the type of person I used to be, or want to be.
Hmm. It’s something I’ll have to think about.
It’s been a year since the expiry date on this blog passed. A whole year with this blog alive that I didn’t expect or plan for. I’ve kept up the monthly posts (even if I want to write more than that), but I feel like the writing itself has dipped in quality. I just feel less focused. My entries lack a theme like they used to, and they’re not as… earnest? In high school it felt like I was bleeding my incredibly nerdy heart out with each post. Maybe part of growing up is that I don’t feel like doing that, and that it doesn’t come naturally. Maybe that’s a good thing.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
I think I’ll be saying that a lot in the next year.