Sketch

I cower at the thought of tomorrow,
Worrying that everything might fall apart.
In my heart, I know that looking ahead
To the day after tomorrow won’t give me a single answer.

Tomorrow is like an empty canvas that extends endlessly…
What should I sketch on it?
Reality begins to stain the canvas black,
What should I sketch on it?
I struggle to shine.

I feel like a 14-year old (again), basing an entire post on just a song. And from an anime no less! Heh.

But those lyrics are exactly how I feel right now. I’m at a crossroads in my life, where what I do now will drastically alter everything about my life from here on out. A change of a single degree will send my life to an entirely different continent.

Lately, I’ve been faced with (and continue to face at this moment) a couple of hard decisions. Towards the end of this summer, I had the idea to take my gaming community site Project Gforum, and transform it into a full-on, real business. For a couple of reasons, prime among them the suspension of my Google AdSense account, that fell apart earlier this month.

The past week I’ve been focusing on getting my driving license, and should have it soon. With it in my possession, I now have two paths in the near feature.

The first, I get a job somewhere like Dunkin’ Donuts, earn minimum wage or slightly above. Save the money, pay off my small college debts so I can return in January. Go places, do things with my friends — would be a first for me, really, not having a license has hampered me these last couple years. Eventually move out, finish college and basically live the life of a normal 20-something.

The second, pursue a startup opportunity that my uncle is willing to invest in. Become an entrepreneur — which means not taking a pay check long into the future. Work late nights, worry over finances and deadlines and managing my team. Have my uncle breathing down my neck, or yelling at me that I’m not making a return quick enough. Probably even go bankrupt, like most startups do.

But if I don’t bottom out, then I’ll achieve my dream. I’ll be designing and developing my own game ideas, for a living. I can’t let that pass by.

It’s time for me to get out my paintbrush, and start shaping my canvas.
-Andrew