Crawling Through Glass

I… I failed, OK? I wasn’t able to keep my promise. Last month marked the only month since January 2006 that I had not posted even a single entry… a promise I committed to until at least June 27, 2012. Another promise I’ve broken.

I don’t know what it is but October and November always seem to be the deadest months for this blog. Maybe because I’m getting adjusted to a new year of school and everything…

Speaking of school, it’s been great. I do regret not recording my experiences here, but the gist is this: it started well, kinda, I hit a small slump, and now I’m bouncing back full force. School “kinda” started because, well, until mid-October it still felt like summer vacation to me. Sure, I had to go to this certain building for a couple hours a day, but I was still staying up late, until dawn on some of the freer days; even right now, it’s approaching 3 AM and I know I still got at least an hour before sleeping. And while it wasn’t super-warm, the sun was still dominant. In fact it still feels like August to me. I still remember being at the beach so vividly…

As for my scholarly performance, as I said, I was in a slump but now I’m bouncing back. In Algebra, we have four tests that count for grades, and that’s it. I got a 70-something on the first, a 50-something on the second, and a 55 on the third. That third test was disheartening because I studied really frigging hard for it. I mean, I actually studied. Me! The person who did his homework in homeroom and never studied for anything, ever! I studied for multiple nights, combing over the practice test, and… a 55. Ouch. That really hurt. But, in an apparently-unprecedented move, the teacher professor offered a makeup test. So I studied again. This time, using the real test.

And I got an 87. And let me say I consider it one of my finest scholastic achievements ever. The fourth and final test is coming up, and after that I get to retake my lowest-scoring test. I hope I can turn both of these into 87s, too.

But Algebra was really all I concerned myself with. Of my four other classes… Intro to Software Applications is Microsoft Office for dummies, and it’s easy if you hand in the work. It also only meets once a week and is my only class on Thursdays, which has been nice. Intro to Programming has started to speed up from its walking pace, but it’s still pretty easy – mostly, the concepts and algorithms for problems I did in Java during high school just need to be rethought a little for C++. Public Speaking has surprisingly been decent, and it is helping me improve myself. The speeches have started to get longer but I’m confident, based on what I’ve done before. And finally, Composition is “up there” with Algebra as a course I find I need to work more to get more in, but that could be because it’s a two and a half hour course at 6:00 PM.

My father, going to the same college I am, a year advanced from me course-wise, set a huge bar, and while I know I won’t meet it this semester, I’m pretty satisfied with my performance (provided the next two weeks play out like I hope.) I think a huge, and I’m being serious, huge contributing factor to me still being both carefree and “nose to the grindstone” while not being worn out is simply due to the transition to college. I loved my high school and still do, but day after day of waking up at 5:45, waiting in the freezing or near-freezing temperatures for the bus to come, in the pre-dawn darkness, was just… suffocating and debilitating. I don’t want to sound whiny, and I held off on really thinking about this while I was in high school for that reason, but now that I’m out and I have some context I can honestly say that it sucked. It sucked and it shouldn’t have happened to me, or anyone else. I think I’ll make an issue out of delaying school start times in the future.

But anyways… it’s December! I love this month. Good always comes from December. Sometimes bad does, but good is always there. A big part of it is Christmas, I mean it’s undeniable the good His birth had, but it’s also due to frivolous things, like snow, or winter break. Time with the family. Christmas isn’t going to be as great this year, with my dad going to college that leaves one parent providing, and there’s five other jobless people here draining that away. That wasn’t meant to sound bitter, but I do want to convey how sad I feel that she has to do it all. She shouldn’t have to.

And really, that’s what I want for Christmas. I want two or three frivolous things, yes, but I also want some things that I have to face and attain by myself. I want to help. I want a driver’s license, and a job. If I can contribute everything I would.

I’ll probably have another post this month looking towards 2010, but I want to say… I’m filled with hope at what will happen. I hope things will work out next year. And December 2010 Andrew? I can’t imagine how disheartened you’ll be if things don’t improve at least a little.

Getting back to the original topic… will I ever skip an entry again? Not deliberately, no. And I would beat myself up just as hard if it ever happened again. But at the same time, I’m not abandoning this blog, which was what that promise tried to address. I’m still posting. I’m crawling through broken promises, and even though they cut me, I keep on crawling.
-Andrew