When did the trees suddenly turn orange and yellow? It feels like not even two weeks ago every tree was green- sure, a paler green than in the Spring, but green nonetheless. And is it really Halloween night? Really? Already? And is this Monday Greek Day, the single near-holiday that each year revitalizes me, compels me to move forward? Is the deadline to apply to my colleges really almost at hand?

This is when I decide my future, this is the only time that really matters. These past three years of high school? These past sixteen years of life? Meaningless. Worthless. I’ve cornered myself so far that the only way for these schools to judge me is right now, and I am failing miserably. I am teetering on the brink of failure in my Physics class, and am not doing much better in my Contemporary Bestsellers class either. I am much more concerned with Physics, because it ties in so directly with what I want to do in college that it’s almost always a requirement.

Luckily today, the last day of the marking period- perhaps the final important one, I dodged a very large bullet in that class. When I said “teetering on failure”, I meant it- my grade, pre-bullet dodge was around 60%. Ugh. What has happened to me? Why is this happening? I am actually doing my homework now (my two full study halls guarantee that), and I’m getting more sleep on average this year than the last three. I’m more focused, or at least I’m trying to be. Why am I so broken? Why do I keep pushing myself down? 60% is unacceptable. Luckily, that bullet was a pretty large one and my grade may rise 5 to 10%- not much, but enough in the grand scheme of things. And I have a lesser assignment that I can hand in this Monday which could push things higher, but really the maximum I’m looking at is ~73%. 73% for the single most important marking period… ever, of my life. I am despicable.

It doesn’t help that I’m almost continually behind other class I’m struggling in. Contemporary Sellers is all about reading books published in the last ten years, and read we do. A new book, every three weeks, followed by an essay. Since I have not done two previous essays, I needed to do the one due today. But I slacked. God, I just slacked it all off. Then, today, during study hall and lunch, after the class it was due, I did it and handed it in. Three pages. One of my last sentences in the essay was something like, “The book highlights the choice between judging what is right, and what is easy.” True, though that was mostly old Dumbledore speaking to me from a movie trailer, but after handing it in and thinking about it, I’m facing that decision now more than ever. I just hope that my severe weakness does not get in the way of my future, and more than it has already.

Other than these issues, I would say life as a high school Senior is great. My school has a neat program where, if you’re a Senior (or privileged Junior), you can come to school at the end of first channel or leave at the start of the last if those classes are study halls. I have been shown incredible mercy in that I have two study halls directly after eachother at the ends of Monday and Friday and at the beginning of Wednesday and Thursday. While this doesn’t mean I get to come in at the end of the second one, it does both give me a chance to sleep in a bit and also do some work. Because of this, school has been slipping along very quickly (hence the opening of this entry). I’m still humming the Ouran theme, and realize this year is key to everything.

I got my Ouran High School Host Club – Part 1 DVDs last Tuesday, on the official release date and a day early, surprisingly. Also surprisingly, I really like the dub. My initial thoughts are as follows: I really, really like Haruhi’s and Honey’s voices, they fit the characters very well; Tamaki’s voice is growing on me, I was apathetic about Vic Mignogna playing him when it was announced, then disliked it after the first episode, but after watching a few more it is definitely growing on me- he really does “get” the character, and that counts even if he can’t not sound like Ed Elric for five seconds; I really dislike the Twins’ voices, like Tamaki’s I was apathetic about them at first, then thought they synced well, but after watching a key moment where they’re supposed to laugh hysterically, hearing the English voices barely chuckle really annoyed me; I think Kyoya’s voice is too deep, but it’s growing on me too; and overall I think the anime is too “quiet”, too empty in its transition to English, but I realize this is because I’m not concentrating on subtitles and voices I can’t understand simultaneously- it added a chaotic element that I didn’t foresee the English dub losing. I have yet to finish the DVDs, a product of school, work, and tiredness, but the key make-it-or-break it episode in this half for me will be the final episode in the bundle, “Haruhi in Wonderland”. I hope all their voices hold through well. On a sidenote, while I don’t think either singers of the new opening and ending have enough “feeling” or “oomph” in their parts, the songs overall are very nice to listen to and the lyrics are very well done, especially Shissou’s. I may be humming those words from now on.

I got Guitar Hero: World Tour last Sunday and set it up with my nice and large HD TV in the living room, it’s a very fun game and I’m sure it will provide a very large amount of playtime (at least until Animal Crossing: City Folk comes out). I was actually able to pay for the whole thing, day one, sans preorder, thanks to my job. It makes me sick I’m actually thanking my job for anything, but I suppose things are getting better in that area. Very recently I’ve actually hit a good luck streak and am getting out early, a major turnaround considering I was previously the slowest person there. I’m planning when I’m going to quit- mid-November? December? It has to be before the New Year, or at least the new semester. My final semester of high school will not be cumbered by responsibility outside of what family and school normally require. Sure, the money is nice, but that was never the issue. I was pushed into this job by my mother, and the way things are set up makes it hard to leave. If it wasn’t for that stupid “two weeks” rule I would have quit by September. I had a dream I was fired, actually. It was nice.

Right now, Japan is getting the new Nintendo DS, the DSi. I initially wanted a bit more from the device but I’m really warming up to it- the interior storage/downloadables are at the top of the list of things I like about it, a list which includes just about everything else about the device: matte finish (no more dirt stuck between the layers of clear and white!), bigger screens, new OS, cameras (dual cameras! Sure, they could be a bit better than 0.3mp, but they’re good for quick pics), SD slot (yay photos and music player I guess), the web browser (combined with the SD slot, it could make for a great portable blogging tool, or even just browsing tool, that is if the browser can recognize the SD card and its files), and a few other miscellaneous things. It’s supposed to come out here in or before Summer 2009, and would make a great graduation gift. Who needs a car? Give me my DSi, bish!

Last year I said I was “Horrified”. This was in reference to my immersion into horror games and movies. But this year, I really am terrified. What if no college wants me? What if I have to settle for a small crummy one? I mean, I guess there are options for that too- namely work at the small college for two years then transfer- but I want my college life to be consistent, like my high school life was (mostly). I’m so behind on so many things- it was just yesterday that I asked my second teacher for a recommendation letter, and even then I didn’t have the form! Why am I in such a mad scramble, when all along I knew this was coming? Is it too late for me?

I pray not.
-Andrew